You Must Not Lose Hope!
by calsicle
Summary: God has given Komaeda Nagito a certain gift. A gift where one can experience both good luck and bad luck. Of course, Nagito cherishes that gift and treasures it very, very much. The bad lucks are nothing too bad, but the good lucks are phenomenal. The lucks occur alternately. Nagito loves his life because of that gift God has given him. As if. [ Trigger warning. ]


What would you do if God gave you a curse, disguised as a gift?

God has given Komaeda Nagito a certain gift. A gift where one can experience both good luck and bad luck. Of course, Nagito cherishes that gift and treasures it very, very much. The bad lucks are nothing too bad, but the good lucks are phenomenal. The lucks occur alternately. Nagito loves his life because of that gift God has given him.

 _As if._

Let me rephrase that— _insert an exaggerating cough here_.

God has given Komaeda Nagito a certain curse. A curse where one can experience both good luck and bad luck. Of course, Nagito abhors said curse and is sick of it—sick isn't even the right word to describe the feeling he has toward the curse. Maybe—abhorrence is the right word. The lucks occur alternately—bad lucks occur first, and then followed by prosperous good lucks.

That's true—the good lucks are _phenomenal_.

This happened when he was still on around his first year of middle school. His good luck had brought him a large amount of money from his parents' heritage. Maybe his first good luck was the fact that he was the son of a rich family. _But_ , as I said earlier, the bad luck occurs first. And to get that large amount of inheritance, he had to lose his parents— _both_ of his parents.

They were on an airplane when suddenly said airplane was hijacked by some terrorists—bad luck. Then, a small meteor had struck upon them, and killed them instantly. His parents, too, were killed. And so, he got to inherit all their fortune and become free to do whatever he wished to do, for he had no other relatives.

That had broken him. Nagito didn't speak for two weeks, and didn't eat for five days, and hadn't gone out from his room for one week. Since he had no other relatives, he was consumed by solitude, despite the fact that his maids and butlers tried to cheer him up.

The next occurrence to be told happened a few months after the incident. He managed to smile, but all of the sudden, he was kidnapped by a serial killer. It scared him, and had almost became a trauma to him. Good thing it didn't though. If it did, _I'd totally kill myself a few days after that_. But after knowing that nobody would pay the ransom, Nagito was released almost immediately.

Why didn't the killer just kill him? That way, he doesn't have to suffer more than he already did.

Around the second year of middle school, the principal had given the students a speech about hope. At first, Nagito wasn't listening. But after a few minutes, he was interested, and finally—he'd decided he'd hang onto hope for the rest of his life. He had promised himself he won't let himself fall into despair, and if he did, he'd kill himself.

He'd been obsessed toward hope ever since then. He'd make some speeches about hope, and some people would look at him as if he was crazy. But there was a reason for it—for his crazy acts.

A few days before the next phenomenal good luck, a few days after his graduation form middle school, he was diagnosed with late stage of _lymphoma_ , and _progressed frontotemporal lobe dementia_. That, he thought, was bad luck.

And then it was followed by an invitation from Hope's Peak Academy. He'd heard of it—the said school was the most prestigious school in the world. He'd been invited as the Ultimate Lucky Student—and this confirmed him that, this was his good luck's doing. First thought that he should decline the offer, but on second thought, this is _Hope's Peak Academy_. He might be getting a wonderful, hopeful future the next three years.

And so he accepted the offer.

But he was wrong. His high school life in Hope's Peak had just brought him closer and closer toward despair and—he didn't like that. Especially that girl— _that disgusting girl_. So despairingly disgusting that he wanted to puke. All she talks about is despair—despair, despair, despair. He was so sick of her, trying to pull him toward despair so desperately. All she talks about is despair... despair... and despair... Ugh, I hate her so much I hate her so much I hate her so much I hate her so much _IhatehersomuchIhatehersomuchIhatehersomuchIhatehersom_ —

I apologize. Have I told you that _I_ am actually that Komaeda Nagito? Pardon me. I'll switch to first person immediately.

And one day, that girl said this to me: "You're just hopelessly hanging onto hope, aren't you, even though you know you already fell for despair since the beginning? Just leave that hope, and come with me. Make a hopeless organization and spread despair around the world. That's what you want, right? _D-E-S-P-A-I-R_?"

I'd wanted to deny her statement, telling her that she was just making that up, but for some reason, I couldn't. And now I know why I couldn't—because I've already been consumed by despair. Even before that time where I decided I'd cling onto hope, I was already in despair. Hope was just another distraction for me to forget about my despair.

Another distraction for me to forget about my despair was cutting. I have this bad habit of mine—cutting, yes. Watching the blood trail from your wrist is like watching the despair inside you flooding out of your body—it was satisfying. So I kept doing it.

Then I realize cutting did nothing. Then I remember my promise I made to myself that day when I had found _hope_. I'd promised myself to kill myself if I ever fall into despair. I should've killed myself a long time ago—I've been drowning in a sea of despair since a long time ago, after all.

That's right. I'd promised myself to kill myself if I ever fall into despair.

And that is how I ended up here—on the roof of the most prestigious school of the world, looking down at the pool of Ultimate students that had gathered up below me. They look like ants from here—so small, yet so talented. If only I have their talent instead of my curse...

I recognized some of the face. There was _that girl._ But I'm not in the mood to talk about her. There was also Naegi Makoto- _kun,_ the Ultimate Hope. Oh, how I admired him so much. There was Nanami- _san_ , the Ultimate Gamer, a somewhat close friend of mine. She had this concerned expression—is she really that concerned about me? What a kind woman. Oh? I don't see Hinata- _kun_ beside her. She's usually with him. Where is that Reserve Course Student?

But I shouldn't worry about them. I'm going to be dead in a few minutes, after all. Just a small push, and then I will be welcomed by darkness. Eternal darkness.

How despairing...

I stared down below again. Even the principal had gotten out. I'd locked the door to the rooftop, so they won't interfere. If I didn't, they'd just stop me.

I saw some of them taking pictures. The Ultimate Journalist. Of course. He'd write this in the school's magazine. What would be the headline? _**The Ultimate Lucky Student Fell Into Despair?!**_ Something like that? That thought is kind of amusing. Without realizing, I had laughed.

"What am I doing... I should just... jump..."

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, and tried my best to keep a smile on my face as I pushed myself. I felt a weight in my chest—it was suffocating. Tears were threatening to come out from my eyes, and I allowed them to pour down. They flew around me as I fell. It was a long fall, and it felt like eternity until I finally met the gr—

"Huh?"

Feeling hands being wrapped around me, I opened my eyes—and I was too taken aback to do anything. I saw _him_ , wrapping his arms around my body tightly, as if he didn't want me to go. My eyes were too wide, maybe it'd pop out of its sockets any second by now. It couldn't be helped—I didn't expect this to happen.

I didn't expect _Hinata Hajime, the Reserve Course Student_ , was the one who would come to my rescue.

"YOU MUST NOT LOSE HOPE, KOMAEDA!"

"H-Hinata-kun—"

I felt an impact, and before I knew it, I was on the ground, safe and not dead. I was not greeted by eternal darkness. Instead, I was greeted by hugs and tears and cries of the other talented Ultimates.

"Komaeda- _kun_ , what were you thinking!?"

"Dude, I was _so_ worried!"

"What's wrong with you?!"

"Komaaeeedddaaaaa!"

Their wails and cries had also brought me to tears, and I began to wail, too. Some of them laughed at my reaction, but I was touched by them. I am almost very sure that girl is looking at this with such disgust.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." was all that I could say. I could only apologize.

Then, I was suddenly pulled into a tight embrace, and felt my shoulder getting wet. I looked to my left—brown hair. Antenna. It was my savior—Hinata Hajime. I felt his body trembling as he spoke to me, his breath shaky. "You idiot... I had to jump from the second floor and caught you, you know that!? I risked my life to save you! I was very... very scared that I'd lose you..." At this, his grip tightened, and then he drew back, his green orbs meeting my gray ones. "I'd fall into despair if you die, you know that!? Do you want that, huh?!"

I was speechless. I couldn't say anything but cry and hug him back. I had cried on his shoulder along the way as he brought me back toward my dorm. And we'd spent the night together—with me telling him my problems I've been holding back as I cry. I hope I didn't stress him out because of my problems.

"Hinata-kun..." I said after a long silence.

"Yeah?" he replied.

I grinned up at him. "I decided I can't lose hope. At least until I'm on the verge of death."


End file.
